Lorne

Lorne
Portrayed By	Andy Hallett
Gender	Male
Species	Anagogic Demon
Date of Birth	Need-to-know only (no one needs to know)
Age	See above, sheesh
Zodiac Sign	???
Aliases	"The Host"
Place of Birth	Pylea
Current Location	Los Angeles, California
Occupation	Owner of Caritas
Known Relatives	Mom, Dad, Numfar of the Deathwok Clan (brother), Landok of the Deathwok Clan (cousin)
Significant Other	Caritas
Special Powers	Fabulosity
First Appearance	Judgment

Lorne, aka "The Host", is the green-skinned, red-horned, well-connected, stylin' owner of Caritas, a violence-free demon karaoke bar in Hollywood. He reads peoples' auras when they bare their souls through song.

History

"First I was afraid. I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side… but then I spent so many nights thinking how you done me wrong, and I grew strong… and I learned how to get along!

"Oh, you know what I'm talking about. In this city, you better learn to get along. Because LA's got it all: The glamour and the grit, the big breaks and the heartaches, the sweet young lovers and the nasty, ugly, hairy fiends that suck out your brain through your face. It's all part of the big wacky variety show we call … Los Angeles. You never know what's coming next. And let's admit it folks: isn't that why we love it?

"I'll survive. I will survive! Hey, hey…!"

Let me tell you, surviving in LA is a pleasure cruise compared to where I came from. I'd rather shove the horn of a Drlbek demon in my left eye than talk about my home dimension — you think you have family issues, boy, you haven't met my mother — but now that half the heroes in Los Angeles know about my tragic childhood (thanks for that, guys), let's bactrack a pleasantly ambiguous amount of years, shall we?

"Talk about screwed up values. A world of only good and evil, black and white, no gray. No music, no art. Just champions roaming the countryside, fighting for justice. Bor-ing. You got a problem? Solve it with a sword. No one ever admits to having actual feelings and emotions, let alone talks about them. Can you imagine living in place like that?"

Try being raised in it. I use the term loosely. See, Pylea's full of bloodthirsty hardheads who pretend to be champions. They say it's not nice to talk about your family that way, but do you see me feeling guilty? I feel a lot of things — that's part of the reason I didn't fit in from the start — but guilt's not one of 'em. Not any more. Back home — I use that term loosely too — showing emotions was just somehting you didn't do. If you did … well … let's just say I spent a lot of my time doing the Dance of Shame. Humans are slaves there. You can't imagine the kind of place it is 'til you've been there. No art, no soul. Music doesn't exist. That didn't stop me from hearing it. I thought I was insane, but it was beautiful, those sounds. I wouldn't have traded those noises in my head for being … I feel another loose term coming up … normal. I never wanted to pick up a sword and battle against the so-called evil, or hunt giant slobbering beasts… ee-yuck! Talk about born into the wrong dimension.

So when a giant, swirling, sparkly vortex of freedom opened up in front of me one day? I didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. It could've sent me to the second level of hell, but wasn't I there already? It couldn't be worse than Pylea.

Fate delivered me unto Los Angeles, California.

Home sweet home away from hell. The land of glitz. Of glamour. Of Hollywood fabulous. Krevlornswath of the Deathwok clan, see ya! This is a world where you could flick a magical button (did I mention Pylea didn't have electricity — or the wonderful invention called a whirlpool tub?) and hear the pipes of Aretha, and what's more, it's grey. Sure, there's evil. There's good. But there's a whole lotta in-between, and that's somethin' Pylea never had. It was black and white, good or bad, kill or be killed and sweet jumpin' Jehosephat, this dimension has more flavours than there are cocktail mixers. Speaking of cocktails, don't even get me STARTED on how spectacularly superior the drink selection is.

But that reminds me, back to the story. When I came sailing out of the pit of hell-o trauma and into the sweet deliverance of Hollywood, I decided right then and there that right then and there was where I was going to open the hottest club north of Havana. Okay, okay, that's the Manilow in the background talking, but let me summarize: Caritas. Latin for "mercy" — there's a bit of trivia for those playing at home. The abandoned building I landed in, well, I transformed that sucker into a karaoke bar. What else! I'll tell you what else, a sanctuary, that's what else. All I wanted was a place for anyone — that's ANYone, green skin, blue skin, no skin, horns, fangs, you name the race, I got your place — to come and sing their hearts out. And since my specialty is reading auras — silly me, I forgot to mention that; I'm an anagogic demon, that means empath — I could use the song in peoples' hearts to set them on their life's path. The last thing I wanted was for my bar to turn into a bloodbath, so I got the digits of these feisty senoritas by the name of the Transuding Furies. Hoo-boy, are they ever a handful. Their sanctuary spell meant violence was a big no-no in the most literal of senses.

That was way back in 1996. Before I met the Angel Investigations gang and their bundle of troubles. You gotta hand it Mr. Tall Dark and Brooding — he looks good in a coat and he and and his gang are handy in a pinch. And by pinch I mean "impending apocalypse", although Angel has terrible taste in the ladies. If I hadn't been there to guide his hand after his ancient fling was resurrected, who knows where he'd be. Then, of course, we visited gghghhghjhjhnn…

Sorry, instant gag reflex. What I meant to say was "Pylea" to save the lovable Cordelia Chase. It was … a bonding experience. Truly. Can we skim? Let's skim. How about "skip entirely"? If I could've just clicked my ruby slippers together to bring me back to LA … well … to be honest, I wouldn't have. We had to save the day. I'd get my head chopped off again if it meant getting everyone out intact. It was no place for Cordy and it was no place for little Fred, the nutty as a nutcracker adorable girl-thing that we brought back with us.

Let me tell you, I'm more convinced than ever that leaving was the right thing to do. This is where I belong.

I'm the Host. Thanks for listening, boys and girls. Save your applause 'til after the last number!

Timeline

• No Chlamydia Happens —> Lorne pays a visit to the Hyperion only to walk in on Cordelia and Fred dragging a half-conscious Wesley away and gets hit with a blast of unnaturally lusty auras coming from the girls. When foiling the plans of the possessed pair (trio, so he thinks, after Wesley seemingly tries to get in on some action) doesn't work, he makes things stop! In the name of looove…

Quotes

• "You're Rocky and Rocky II and half of the one with Mister T. Tell me about it." — Guise Will Be Guise
• "I was very impressed with your musical recitation of pain earlier. And when I say pain, I mean mine. Although props for singing your little hearts out." — Redefinition
• "What's today? Thursday? Tomorrow night, the world's going to end. I thought you might want to know." — Happy Anniversary
• "We're all brothers under the skin, mi amigo. Although the garden hue and the horns have kept me out of some key public performances. Just once I'd love to ring in a Lakers game with our national anthem. Is that so much to ask?" — Happy Anniversary
• "I'm the Host. Have you met me? I never shut up." — Happy Anniversary
• "Most anything that can manifest in order to move in this dimension can be killed. Kinda the down side of being here. That and the so-called 'musicals' of Andrew Lloyd Webber." — Reprise
• "Mr. Elton John hits the first few keys of Yellow Brick Road, I defy you not to feel like the only other person in the room." — Belonging
• "Is it, uh— is it a little hot in here or am I just channelling Donna Summers circa 1979?" — No Chlamydia Happens
• "Okay, I'm feeling some majorly TMI vibes, real hot hot heat, and I gotta say, uh — weirding me out a little. This whole vicious vixen thing? It's not you." (looks at Cordelia) "Well. Ehn." — No Chlamydia Happens
• "Look, ah, you're all grown adults, I don't mean to judge, but— okay, no, I'm judging. I'm a tribunal! I'm a whole courthouse! Call my Judy! Lasso your libidos before something nastier than chlamydia happens, 'cause whatever's going down here feels a whole world of mystically squick." — No Chlamydia Happens

Trivia

• Lorne's heart is located in his left buttcheek.
• Lorne can survive being decapitated as long as his head (which can still talk!) is reunited with his body before it's mutilated. But decapitation makes Lorne sad. :(

The Name Bank

Lorne calls people by pet names or interesting monikers more often than not. Here's a collection of what's been used in-game so far!

Lorne called…

Fred	peachpie, sweetums
Wesley	Lightweight Lucy, heartthrob

Songs For The Love Lorne

Gallery