Fix The Cat


Emeline_icon.gif Lewanda_icon.gif Princess_icon.gif Seth_icon.gif

Summary: Emeline takes "Princess" to someone she thinks will be able to help return him to his rightful form. Seth is Unamused.

Date It Happened: December 21st, 2001

Fix the Cat

The Humorous Humerus

The Humorous Humerus is having a last minute holiday sale, odds and ends on for half price in some cases. Mostly, it's the surprise bags. What's in them? It's a surprise! Best not to ask. The skeleton beside the counter is wrapped in sparkling garland, beads, ribbons, balls and an old-fashioned Santa hat trimmed with an embroidered gold thread cuff instead of white fluff. Wreaths, made of fresh and dried plants, flowers, and … in some cases, bones and colourful feathers, hang everywhere. There's something decorating nearly every sign, including fairy lights around 'Have You Met-a-Carpal?' The cozy scent of apple pie fills the air, strangely enough.

This evening, at exactly this moment, Lewanda, the quirky owner of the store, is waving to an elderly gentlemen as he carries a box outside. "Good luck with your spurned lover!" she calls out in her high, wispy voice. "Happy Hanukkah!"

With June-Bug snuggly kept in a carrier - Emeline can't keep having him running away. Not when she thinks she may be able to find someone to help, she glances furtively around the store before grabbing a surprise bag and heading up to the counter. Dropping the bag and the cat carrier both on the surface quickly, she doesn't want to have to waste too much time. Of course, she also doesn't want to spurt everything out at once. Especially when she doesn't actually know Lewanda. "Hi," she says awkwardly and smiles. "How much are these?" There's an eye toward the elderly gentleman and then she turns her attention back to the strangely happy woman.

And for his part, "June-Bug" Does. Not. Want. Carrier. At all. He's given up on the scratching and twisting and rattling around in the carrier (because it makes carrying the carrier difficult for Emeline, and he also doesn't want to be dropped) and is now just hunched down in the box, glowering and emitting a low grumbling "mrrrghlrghrlghrlghrrgggh" now and then. When he's set on the counter, he glowers through the mesh door, ears flattened and tail lashing. Ooooh, he's so mad.

Lewanda sees the pet carrier before she seems to see its owner, a fact which has her swaying back and forth in an effort to peer inside — that's from a distance, because she backpedals away from the growling critter. When Emeline speaks up, the store owner looks up so swiftly that her jet black hair jostles. "Oh, hello— five dollars." More importantly… "What do you have there?" she queries, tremulous in her caution, her eyes growing wide with curiosity. And… fear. Looking from side to side, she conspiratorally leans toward Emeline, without getting too close to the cat. "It sounds like a wolverine," she whispers.

Giving the carrier a tap on it's top, Emeline hisses at Junayd, "You stop that. This is for your own good." Then, louder, she nods her head. "Well. He's a cat. Right now." Only right now? It would appear so. "Um, actually, I was…that is, I heard." Her British accent slips through much more clearly and she drums her fingers on the plastic carrier, which is sure to drive Junayd a little crazy. It's not like she can help it, though, she's nervous and distracted. "Great. So. I'll take one of those and, if you happen to know how to break strong curses, that'd be boss. I'd do it myself, but I've got a bit of a problem with that at the moment."

WHY IS THERE TAPPING THERE SHOULD NOT BE TAPPING STOPPIT. Emeline's reprimand is just met with a louder grumblegrowl: "MMMRRRRRGHgrghrlghrlghrgrhgglrgh." "June-Bug" will stop that when he's let out, thankyouverymuch. Do Not Want Box. Do Not Want. Do Not Want. Do Not Want.

Ms. Littleton's eyes shrink not at all. That is, her wide-eyed stare remains, unmoving and blithely, cluelessly sparkling on Emeline. Maybe the other woman is barking up the wrong tree, because Lewanda seems completely lost. Then, suddenly: "You want to break a curse?" Her dark brows shoot up. "Oh, my… that will be five dollars and would you like to donate a dollar to the starving children of Africa?" Presumably, that's all geared toward the purchase of the surprise bag. "I-I don't know… what do you mean you have a problem?"

Instead of jingling, the door to the Humerus once again BANGs open, forced wide on its hinges by the same man who treated it with such disrespect the last time he was present. Once again Seth is searching for his dangerous substances, in this case a human bone to go into his latest all-purpose curse-your-boss-for-Christmas package. He stops short of making himself a Fabulous Entrance not more than two hobbled steps into the shop, his eyes roving across its occupants. That carrier holds particular interest, since he hasn't seen his cat in ages. "You." The cane is pointed at Emeline as Seth hisses the single word. Someone is not happy, and no way those starving children in Africa are going to get a donation from the warlock.

There's a long silence as Emeline just kind of tilts her head at Lewanda's response to her sort of bizarre request. It's not like she wasn't expecting to be laughed at or questioned, but being asked to help the starving kids of Africa was kind of the last thing she was expecting. "Su-ure," she replies in a not at all sure sort of way. Putting some money on the table, she takes her newly acquired surprise and then tries to explain. "Well. Sort of. How to turn a cat back into a person." Which is really why the cat is here in the carrier. "I don't have the st—-" whatever she's about to confess is broken off by Seth's entrance and she quickly puts a protective hand over the cat carrier. Her eyes narrow.

loud noises badbadbad. And being unable to see much in his carrier, "June-Bug" is less than thrilled at the banging of the door and the angry voices. So he just growls again and shifts about uneasily in the box. When he gets out of here, Nice Lady …

… he is going to pee in bad places.

Lewanda, turning an ever-so-sympathetic look on Emeline — and the cat in the carrier, although she backs away again from its bemoaning — is delayed. The *BANG!* causes her to jump, and when she sees the warlock, her shoulders droop, the hot pink faur fur that makes up the collar of her dress (hot pink with leopard print) rise and fall. "Oh dear…" she says very quietly, but nevertheless adds a completely sincere and congenial: "Hello!" But that's not all! "Could you— could you please be careful of the door," she ventures politely, "When you come in. It … it rattles the bones so… when it slams like that."

Since Lewanda asked nicely—


Seth, still close enough to give the door an extra-special slam back into its frame, does just that. "You," he repeats, starting forward once again, "have stolen my cat." Emeline's defensive reaction with the carrier has given him Absolute Proof. In a much softer and altogether different tone crooned towards the box keeping the feline captive: "Don't worry, Princess. Daddy's here to save you from the awful plant hag."

"He's not your cat." Emeline is, of course, defensive with the cat carrier. Seth wants to steal it and take him back to remain a cat for ever. Emeline would prefer the rude Israeli. "He's not even a cat." The cat captive is not going to be let go of any time soon. There's a pleading look given to Lewanda. "Please. I heard you may be able to help us. If that wanker tries to take him back, he's going to stay a cat forever." She hates to beg and she hates asking other people for help. So Junayd better be thankful for this once he's back to normal. "I just need to fix him."

"Maowwwwwr." That is the annoyed sound of an annoyed cat in an annoying carrier who has just been addressed by someone who may or may not be able to get him out of here. He seems to quiet down a little when he figures out that Emeline is trying to get things back to normal — whatever that is! — but when the word 'fix' comes up, he starts rattling around in the carrier. OH GOD, HE KNEW IT. IT'S A GHETTO VET. HIS HARBLZ ARE IN DANGER.

The additional slam of the door only prompts a sad little frown from Lewanda, who stands quietly like a kicked puppy from hereon out — at least for awhile, anyway. The giant hyena skull on top of a shelf rattles and seems to grin all the more at those below. The altercation between woman, man and cat is bewildering, and though she stares at them with the clear, hopeful-eyed impression that she wants to help, she's slow on the draw. "I-I…" she stares past Emeline at Seth. "I…" Finally, she blinks and focuses on the British woman. She nod, nod, nods. "I'll try to help you and your— " The creature makes a terrifying noise that wounds her soul. Lewanda peers at it warily. " —cat man." She says that quietly, too. Maybe if she's quiet enough, Seth won't hear her and nothing will explode.

It was pure dumb luck that brought Seth to this place at the same time his darling Princess graced it, and he's not about to let the opportunity slide. He keeps forward and eventually halts just beside Emeline, a little too close for comfort and entirely made of ill disposition. The conversation attracts his attention simply because it involves the word 'cat'; a moment later he's staring suspiciously between Lewanda and the Plant Hag, demanding: "What's going on here? Leave the poor cat alone."

"He's not a cat," Emeline hisses at Seth again, taking an immediate step backward and away from him - sliding the carrier along with her. "You're a poor excuse for a warlock." Giving Lewanda a very grateful look, she quickly takes the carrier in both her arms and keeps a hold of what she just purchased as well. Wouldn't do her any good to lose that after she did just pay for it. And for the children in Africa. "Thank you," she says quietly. The sound that June makes gets a tutting sound. "You're being an idiot, Junayd. We're helping you get back to normal. So stop being a complete and utter tit."

Getting back to normal — whatever that is! — is all fine and good, but does it have to be in a carrier? The cat settles when his 23749th attempt to get out is foiled by sturdy plastic and metal and replies to Emeline with an annoyed grumblegrowl. "Mrrrghglrghrgh."

Lewanda looks helplessly between Seth and Emeline. She clutches her hands in front of her, long, bony fingers clenching tightly over her knuckles. She glides closer to her edge of the counter now that the grumbly cat isn't on it… but that's it.

"This is absurd. Princess is a small four-legged furry creature with a favorable personality. That is a cat." Seth is not grasping very well the concept of a non-kitty-shaped Junayd, but he takes even less well the insult to his ability. The man's cane rises again, its bone handle held threateningly just a few inches away from Emeline's face. "Watch yourself, and release my cat. He obviously doesn't like you. Bones - what'd she buy?" In case one was wondering, 'Bones' is probably Lewanda.

"He's not your cat. Piss off." Emeline realizes that she can argue with this man until she's blue in the face. Angrily shoving the edge of the cane away from her face and balancing the cat carrier in her arm, she decidedly turns away from him. She instead, looks over at Lewanda and puts a strong grip on the carrier again, though it's not to be said she's ignoring Seth. Instead, she's wary of him and just proving to him that he's just some wanker. "Look, an evil warlock, strangely enough not this one, put a curse on him. Changed him into this cat. I can't undo it myself. If you think you can, tell me whatever it is you need in order to help him and I'll give it to you. I'm sorry. I know this sounds daft, but he's a large Israeli man normally."

Which wouldn't fit into a cat carrier. At all. Oh to be human again. The cat has gone silent again, crouched in the back of the carrier with flattened ears and a lashing tail.

"Why— a surprise bag," Lewanda answers blithely, confused as to why the man is asking about someone else's purchasing habits. "Oh, I see," she replies to Emeline, not sounding quite as surprised as the average person might after getting a tale like that. "Well, I… I'll need a lock of fur, or a claw, or perhaps a whisker…"

"Look here, hag. Warlocks don't run around turning people into cats, entertaining as that sounds — and you will not be cutting pieces off of Princess, for god's sake! What kind of sick freak are you?" At this point, Seth is aggravated. Quite aggravated. If pushed further things might start getting ugly, but for now the warlock attempts to offer some helpful advice that will hopefully keep the cat out of trouble until he can be liberated. "There are ways to reverse such an unlikely event that don't involve the removal of body parts."

"I'm not going to take off any body parts, you sick freak," Emeline rolls her eyes at Seth. "I don't know what barber you go to, but cutting off a lock of hair doesn't hurt. I'd rather go for the woman who doesn't try to attack me than some wanker with bad shoes." However, that would put her in quite the unenviable position of trying to get the cat out of the carrier with Seth there. And she doesn't trust that man at all. If the annoyed June tries to run and Seth catches him, she knows she'll never see them again. Keeping her attention on Lewanda, she asks the obvious question, "Is there a back room somewhere where I could just snip a lock of hair? Just to make sure nobody tries to steal him? Or, hell, is there a back room where we can get away from threatening men with bad karma?"

Claw? The cat helpfully pokes a foreleg through the holes in the wire of the carrier's door and waves it, claws and all. He's not really trying to hurt anyone, honest. But maybe if he tries really hard, he can find a way to get out through the little holes.

"It would just be a harmless clipping," Lewanda insists, agreeing with Emeline without a trace of argumentativeness in her tone. She'd never hurt a cat intentionally! The horror. "O-oh." Now Emeline is talking her language. She nods rapidly and gives a little smile. "Please, follow me. It's just back here." Shuffle shuffle. She turns, intending to lead the way to the back room, the door of which is in the far left corner of the shop behind the counter.

The paw through the bars is absolutely heartbreaking. Seth stoops down and reaches a finger out to snag the clawtips gently, giving Junayd's leg a small shake. "Don't worry, Princess. They'll fail miserably in their little idiot game - hopefully they'll kill themselves trying - and then we'll go home and I'll get you a whole side of fish all to yourself."

Emeline tenses when Seth makes attempts to touch Junayd's claw. However, she'll let him shake the paw before turning and making her way toward the back room, swinging her black hair huffily as she does so. "Don't cry yourself to sleep or anything. The next time you'll see June, you're not going to find him so cute. Or maybe you will. You kind of look like a poof." And with that she follows Lewanda into the back room to actually save Junayd. And not give him fish.

The cat lets out a quiet purr when his paw gets shaken, but then he's being carried away. After a couple more waves of his forepaw, he withdraws it and hunches down in the back of the carrier again. Pee. In cabinets. And on the bed. Going to happen.

Lewanda looks back over her shoulder, giving pause to watch the little exchange between man and cat. What's meant to be will be, she thinks, silently leading Emeline into the back room — which is arguably stranger than the front room. "You have to understand, I… this is backwards. I'm better with forwards," she tries to explain. "Breaking curses is … hard work," she says fretfully. "I don't know if I can do it, without help."

"I can help a little." Emeline puts the carrier down, glancing around her strange surroundings. "Wicked." That's all she gets before getting ready to release Junayd. Of course, she'll wait for the door to be shut first. "I know. Like I said, I can help a little. A very little. Spellcasting is very difficult for me right now." Not like she had the largest grasp of it before. "Hopefully it'll be enough?" The last thing she wants is June to come back with the head of a cat. Or maybe arms of a cat. Who knows. There are a lot of mutations.

How reassuring. Once he realizes that the carrier is going to be opened, the cat bunches up and remains poised, ready to make a dash for it the instant he gets an opening.

The door is, indeed, shut (sorry, Seth) and Lewanda busies herself with unlocking a drawer inside a counter and removing a rectangular stone box of some kind. The back room is very cluttered with excess stock and odd decorations, but it's an organized clutter. "Why on earth was your friend turned into a cat? If there was a good reason," she says with well-meaning warning, "I may not be able to help you, I'm afraid. The Karmic Calculator will tell us." Out of another drawer, she procures a tiny pair of gold scissors.

Oh, there are times when Emeline really wishes she could lie. It would make things so much simpler. Either she could stay silent on this, or she could actually say something. And since this woman is helping her, she deserves at least a little of the story that brought them all there. "A long story. But, the conclusion is that a warlock thought it would be quite amusing to turn my friends into animals because they were trying to help me break a curse that he created." As for the Karmic Calculator, she'll take out it's batteries if it tries to work against Junayd. Seeing as it's safe and closed up, she blocks Junayd's escape route and attempts to tug him out of the carrier.

The cat doesn't get to escape. Instead, he gets tugged out, and though he grumbles about it, he doesn't make any attempts to resist. Hey, at least he's out! Then he eyes his surroundings warily, ears flicking forward and back curiously, tail lashing a mile a minute. Grumpy cat is grump.

"Oh… I see. That's unfortunate." Lewanda certainly sounds sincerely concerned and sympathetic to Emeline's — and Junayd's — plight. "That warlock sounds like he should get a visit from his karma." She starts to approach, wielding the scissors, but… decides to extend them at arm's length (the very end of her arm's length!) for Emeline to do the honours. "Just a bit of fur."

"Unfortunate doesn't really cover it," Emeline gives the woman a wry smile, keeping a firm grip on June so that they can take a quick nip of the fur. Taking the scissors, she makes quick work of snipping off a small patch of fur to hand over to Lewanda with the scissors again. "He needs a visit from the Highest of High Bitch Valkyrie to sing him to an unfortunate death with some sort of embarrassing blunt object. A spoon perhaps. Or the seat of a toilet." She's obviously thought about this.

SHARP OBJECT. And there was talk of fixing earlier, so the cat is just a little skeptical. But when it's only a tuft of fur that gets snipped, he calms down again and, realizing he's not going anywhere anytime soon, settles into being held and starts to relax a little. Though he's keeping a careful eye on Lewanda. There will be no ghetto vetting here.

Lewanda doesn't comment on what Emeline feels is proper punishment; she simply takes the bit of cat fur and, opening a compartment on the stone box, stuffs it in. Embedded with stones in a variety of colours and symbologies, this is the calculator she mentioned. "Just a moment," she says, nearly sing-song. She turns about with her back to woman and cat and murmurs under her breath as she clutches the mystical device in her hands. She quietly hums a tune afterward, waiting for a result. Several long moments later, she whirls around. "Your not-so-feline friend deserves to be not-so-feline," she announces with a teeny-tiny touch of triumph. "I think."

Not quite sure what exactly just happened, Emeline just nods. "O-okay. That's good, right?" Because she has no idea what exactly just happened. Still holding on to Junayd, despite wiggling or otherwise, she starts to scratch him behind the ears in an attempt to calm him down. Even if he's not actually a cat, it's hard to not treat him as one in a time like this.

There doesn't seem to be any immediate threat, so the cat relaxes much more. When he's rubbed behind the ears, he starts to purr quietly, eyes half-lidding. At least he's out of the carrier.

"It would be a lot easier if I knew how the curse was made…" Lewanda frets thoughtfully as she sets the device aside. She smiles at Emeline, nevertheless optimisitc. "But I'm sure we can do our best!" Pause. "I… I may require a little time… to prepare. I haven't tried breaking another person's curse for years!" she admits as if it's a frightening, but exhilarating thing. She peers from side to side before adding, here in the secrecy of the back room, "It feels naughty."

There's a bit of a blink. Emeline isn't quite sure she just heard Lewanda properly. Finally, there's a laugh and the woman takes a deep breath. "If you need more time, that's fine. You can keep Junayd here over night. Or as long as you want. I don't quite know if I feel safe taking him home with me." Since that warlock is still roaming around trying to keep Junayd a cat. "Hopefully it's the good kind of naughty. Leather bras and whips or something as opposed to 'I just broke the candy jar'."

Prrrrrrprrrrrrrrrprr. The cat is blissfully unaware of what's being negotiated. Earrubs plz.

The store owner's pale cheeks blush pink and she titters. "O-oh, well— " Wait, wait. "You want me to keep him here?" Lewanda clues in and seems very indecisive over this-well, decision. That doesn't stop her from agreeing to it. "Okay. I'll try my best to figure out the right curse-breaker."

"Oh, well. You don't have to. I can take him home with me. I just didn't know if you needed him for whatever it is you needed to prepare." Emeline notices that she's made the poor woman twitter and gives her a friendly smile. "Thank you. For helping me with this."

Prrrrrr— suddenly there's a cat trying to push his face down the collar of Emeline's shirt. SOMETHING WENT DOWN THERE, HE SAW IT.

"It might help to have him around, yes," Lewanda answers-a distant look in her eye, she's already trying to figure out what to do about Junayd. "Oh, well, you're welcome— it's not right, someone being in a position they can't get out of when they don't deserve it. The least I can do is try."

"I don't think so either." Giving the carrier a look and then June in her arms, Emeline puts the cat reluctantly back into his cage. "Thank you." She doesn't really want to interrupt her thought process, but she'll take her bag of surprise with her and head out the door. "Be good," she tells Junayd. "By the way," she says at the doorway, knob in her hand. "My name's Emeline. Emeline Wendell. It's a pleasure to meet you."

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