Portrayed By Jason Dohring
Sex Male
Age 23
Date of Birth February 28, 1978
Date of Death No
Occupation Independantly wealthy post-graduate student, inventor, SCIENTIST!
Family Roger Caird (father, deceased), Helen Caird (mother, deceased), William Caird (great uncle, deceased)
Significant Other(s) None

Colin Caird is a science geek who is probably the single most eccentric and weird person anyone will ever meet. Because unlike so many university-educated science students, he BELIEVES in things like fortean phenomena, UFOs, Atlantis, and pretty much everything Tesla was claimed to have accomplished.

Character History

Born in Scotland, Colin Caird lived and schooled there until he was about ten years old. That's how come he's got that snazzy accent. He grew up with it! His dad (Roger) was an electrical engineer that worked at nuclear power plants in the UK and his mum (Helen) was a schoolteacher. Unlike many of his peers Colin grew up with an insatiable thirst for knowledge that went beyond mere curiosity. He learned to read at age four. By age six he was dissecting radios. By age seven he was putting them back together. By age eight they actually worked when he did this. The progression got better over time, but in addition to the precocious love of technology and book knowledge, Colin was a complete fan of pulp heroes, of which his mum had a large collection of. Doc Savage, The Spider, The Shadow, Tarzan, Conan, you name it and Helen had it. And Colin read it. Now the Cairds had family in the United States, and when a very rich uncle of Roger's died and left pretty much his entire fortune and estate to Roger in the process, the Cairds moved across the Atlantic to live in California.

In America Colin fit into school about as well as a fist fits through a needle. Sure, his foreign accent and obvious difference made him a curiosity among other kids in the public school system at first, but after a while it became clear that Colin was Weird and that was not going to change. Fortunately not so much of the picking-on happened to him as a child, so nobody ever actually found a way to make Colin mean or intimidated. In fact, quite the opposite tended to happen as Colin became known as a highly vocal, excited, and strange boy. He would argue vehemently with teachers in his classes when they were incorrect on something (which disturbingly happened often enough that Roger had to be called a few times for conferences). For the most part he managed to alienate other kids by his obsession with how exciting his new improved diode model was if only it could be put into production, and he managed to alienate teachers by telling them that zero-point energy was not in fact wrong or impossible to harness and neither were cold fusion, telepathy, OR speeds faster than light.

The Caird fortune left to Roger and his family was significant. Included in it was a mansion with grounds that required people to keep it looking nice. The great secret of where this fortune came from to begin with was something that Roger never seemed to ask much about. For himself, he kept busy working for the State of California helping them with the energy-hungry state's ever growing need for more power. Electrical engineers were highly in demand. Rather than teach in the States, Helen Caird took up being a Librarian and was quite happy at it. Both jobs kept the parents out of the house a lot of the time, and Colin had perhaps far too much time to spend alone in that huge house. The mansion ended up having a basement, that much was known. What Colin discovered (and kept secret) was the SUB-basement accessible through a secret door hidden behind a winerack. It revealed a laboratory and a robot inside. The first time Colin found the place, the robot introduced itself with a message pre-recorded by William Caird, Colin's great uncle. It spoke to Colin as if he were Roger, not having the sentience to distinguish between the two, but was pre-programmed to introduce Colin (or Roger) to the ongoing work that William was into. Apparently since Roger was the only other scientifically-minded Caird William knew much about, he decided to leave his secret life's work in his engineer nephew's hands. Little could William have guessed that his great-nephew Colin was more like him than he could've prayed for.

After high school Colin breezed into UCLA. Graduating with honors and not even having to care about scholarships does that for a guy. There he went into (of course) the Sciences, majoring in Physics with a minor in Astronomy. Quite suddenly one day, and senselessly, Roger and Helen were killed when a drunk driver T-boned their car in LA. They were just going to see a movie. This wounded Colin personally, because he really had not much human contact outside of his college professors and his parents, and the professors really didn't want to be bothered after-hours. These days Colin's somewhat starved for attention. He went on with school though, got out of UCLA with his Bachelor's and immediately enrolled in post-graduate studies, and is currently working for the Master's so he can eventually get that covetted PHD. Because Colin would like nothing more than to someday be called Doctor Caird.


Colin is, for wont of a better word, eccentric. He's a genius too, but he has a mind that pays the price for its insight and incredible clarity. Where other people grew up exposed to all the unifying tropes of pop culture, Colin grew up instead with what could be called pulp culture. His was a world of old movies and wondrous adventures, modern day chivalry and ideals that are more at home in a comic book than in anyone's real world. If he ever noticed that women existed and really understood in his guts and hormones what they're good for, he'd probably be reduced to blushes and stammering. Colin sees himself as some kind of heroic figure, and though he knows conciously that "superhero scientist" isn't a probable career choice, somewhere deep inside he would like very much to make it so. He is fundamentally good-hearted and optimistic, and sometimes more than a little bit manic about it.


Colin Caird possesses no actual supernatural powers. He does, however, possess understanding and knowledge that far outstrips some of the most advanced ideas of today's commonly accepted scientific thought. How he came by this knowledge has a lot more to do with what he believes in and intuitively 'gets' than what he's been taught by anybody. There are also quite a few insightful notes, projects, and discoveries handed down to him by his great uncle William Caird. With the help of his understanding of such esoteric concepts as zero-point energy, orgonne mechanics, advanced super-alchemy, rediscovered "lost" secrets of the ancients, and other Fortean phenomena, Colin is able to quantify and usually explain pretty much everything that he observes happen. And when something happens he doesn't grasp yet he begins Discovering it. Because of his copious monetary resources he's generally able to get exotic materials, tools, and equipment needed to make devices that'll do pretty much anything he needs done. The trick is whether it'll work. Proving his gadgets in practical application is often a dangerous enterprise and their development can sometimes take a very long time. While at this point Colin could probably slap together a raygun in a couple of days, it's only because he's done it before. A new thing (like a teleportation device…*shudder*) would take a lot of careful experimentation. And would probably cost a few lives before it was ready to be used.

Caird Estate

The Caird Estate is a mansion with grounds located on the west side of Los Angeles. Needless to say, Colin is rich. The house itself is strangely empty of occupants except for Colin and occasionally some groundskeepers that mostly come, do their work outside, and leave. Inside, however, there are Things that Move About. They are:

Stretch the Butler

Stretch is a robot. Mostly obedient to orders directly given and does well when supervised, he has a bad habit of serving his own interests at all other times. Most especially Stretch is a kleptomaniac, but a very bad one. He steals things from time to time, but has no real interest in their value or anything. He just likes the experience of taking what isn't his. After a short time he usually leaves the stolen object somewhere it can be found and disavows all knowledge of its whereabouts since the time it went missing. One good way to keep him from stealing a thing is to offer to give it to him or let him have it, thereby doing away with the thrill of stealing it. Another method is just to let him steal it and lose interest in it naturally later. Stretch is also a very bad liar and prevaricates often, but transparently. He's likely, after dropping a plate on the floor and breaking it in front of you, to deny he did it. He can be rude, but is strangely not malicious. He's just tactless, and if someone expresses actual anger at him he is likely to reply that hey, he's just a robot. Deep conversations with Stretch are largely impossible, as he really doesn't think about a whole lot aside from looking for new things to steal or pushing peoples' buttons. His attention span is rather short that way.

Lily the Housekeeper

Another robot. Lily likes to take care of the kitchen, clean the dishes, wipe the counters, mop the floor, and keep Stretch away. When the kitchen is clean, she sometimes does the bathrooms. Like Stretch, Lily has some instabilities too, but her problem is that she is easily frustrated. It's not a good idea to let her witness a mess being made. She'll flip out and start cursing. A lot. And she'll assault you with a broom. It's for this reason that Colin's had Lily's strength downgraded to something like that of a child's, so it's hard for Lily to actually hurt anybody (though she isn't much good for moving heavy objects, like Stretch is). Strangely she seems unaffected by rage if she just comes across a mess that happens outside her knowledge. It's just when she witnesses it that problems occur. As far as cooking goes, Lily is quite adept. She not only has a copious database of recipes but is gifted at substituting and extrapolating amounts to properly account for larger portions or particular dietary needs. Lily's personality is very straightforward and simple, and she has a penchant for stating the obvious. Also, she hates Stretch.

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