A Real Boy


Emeline_icon.gif Lewanda_icon.gif Princess_icon.gif Junayd_icon.gif

Summary: Lewanda and Emeline work to restore "Princess" to his rightful form — and succeed.

Date It Happened: January 3rd, 2002

A Real Boy

The Humorous Humerus

Evening not long after New Year's and L.A. has already wound down from the exciting beginning of '02. Here in the Humorous Humerus, there's plenty of relaxation going. If you're a cat, that is. A cat like 'June-Bug'. He's curled up on the highest place he could safely climb: a big pile of black and red and white fluff that purrs quietly. His tail hangs down and swishes slowly and rhythmically.

Oh dear. When you're a cat who wants a comfy spot way up high, life is dandy, but for a shop owner with a lot of breakables, you have something to be concerned about. Lewanda, having just closed up shop — more or less; the door's still unlocked — for the evening, stands directly under "June-Bug's" perch and peers directly up at his swishing tail. "Are you sure you don't want to come down for a little while? It's awfully high. I've got some tunafish…"

Closing up Lin Sister Herbal, it's not that far to travel to the Humorous Humerus. Purse slung over shoulder, hair pulled back properly, Emeline pushes the door open to the store carefully. It may be closed, but the door's not locked. That's a good sign, right? Closing the door behind her, she smiles at Lewanda, and then shakes her head at June perching way up high. "Bribery works well on him."

Two golden orbs rise up from a bunch of folded limbs and peer down at Lewanda beneath a pair of perked ears. Toonaz? He does his best to look disinterested, but his tail gives a flick. When Emeline enters, his attention turns to her. Then he uncurls and begins to make his way down — which may or may not involve a few shelves stocked with breakable things.

"Oh, hello!" Lewanda twirls in surprise when Emeline enters, but it's a pleasant shock. "I wouldn't call it bribery," she's quick to point out, saying the word like it's a forbidden, dirty act. Then… oh, what's that sound? "O-oh, dear," she turns to reach out frail-looking arms up toward the shelves the current cat attempts to use like a ladder, trying to gather up the ball of fluff. "I-it's taken longer than I thought to research this kind of curse and figure out a the little details," she says hesitantly, sheepishly, to Emeline.

"Hiya." Emeline moves into the store properly now that she knows she has permission to be here. Or at least she isn't about to get yelled at for dropping off a man-cat with her awhile ago and not being in as much as she'd like to to check on him. "That's alright. I've been trying to figure it out on my own for awhile now. Not much luck on it." As for bribery, the woman pushes up her sunglasses so they rest at the top of her head. "A trade, then?"

There's no protest from 'June-Bug' when he's gathered up, but there is a deep-chested purr. Then he helpfully bumps his head up against Lewanda's chin. Clunk. PRRRRRRRRRRR. Meanwhile, his tail waves in a pleased fashion. ilu nice bone lady feed me

"A trade," Lewanda agrees, nodding rapidly against the man-cat's head as she looks down at him runs a few long nails through his fur. "Maybe we can also … trade our knowledge," she suggests with an optimistic bent to Emeline. Smiling, she starts to head for the back of the store, where the door to the back room lies. "Are you ready to give it a try?" she says over her shoulder, pausing. "You know— if this works— I think I'm going to miss … having him around. He's good company."

"I'm sure he'll be back in to thank you himself once he can actually talk back." Emeline pulls the glasses off her head entirely and stuffs them into her purse. "And if this works, I'll get you a real cat to keep as company if you want. It may not have the personality of Junayd, but it'll still jump on things and try to break whatever is delicate." Moving for the backroom, she raises an eyebrow at how happy he is with Lewanda. "Maybe we should just keep him a cat. He seems to really like you." Of course, she doesn't want that. "As for my knowledge…most of what I know is that he just was cursed to stay a cat. It's got to be a fairly strong spell to have lasted this long. I did what I could with my limited means, but it doesn't seem to have affected it. I think what we need is some sort of cleansing spell."

PRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Yes. 'June-Bug' is a happy kitty. And totally oblivious to the talk going on. Except to comprehend that it is Not About Toonaz.

Lewanda's only response to the suggestion of getting a new cat, and other such things, is only a lyrical little laugh as she pushes her way into the back room. It takes some manuevering, her hands full with cat fluff, but she's an old pro around this store and knows which angle to bend at to open a door with one's elbow. "I have to agree," she replies. "I found the strongest cleansing spell I could find in relation to … scrubbing off curses. It even requires pine and lemon juice." She's not kidding. It smells very fresh in the back room. "Hopefully, if we both work together…" Lewanda deposits 'June-Bug' on a countertop and opens a cupboard, rifling not for spell materials but for a can of tuna.

A can of tuna may not be enough to keep June-bug right where he's supposed to be, but it's the best they'll be able to do for now. Emeline follows into the back room and drops her purse down on a table nearby so that she'll have her arms and hands free. She notes that Lewanda didn't specifically say no to getting a cat. So that means that she'll probably be back with a little gift for the store owner at some point. "Strange seems to work well. I like strange." Pine and lemon juice, though? Strange. "We'll see. My affinity to magic has really dwindled in the past couple years. Just…tell me what you'd like me to do."

The cat perches atop the table patiently — but then wanders over toward Emeline to rub up against her and purr like a motor. Hihihihihi nice lady hihi. But then there is toonaz. TOONAZ. So off he trots with a jinglejingle, where he starts pacing and meowing pathetically. Because he's obviously never fed ever and is starving. Wasting away. Toonaz.

Emeline seemingly putting some of her faith in Lewanda makes the dark-haired store owner more than a little nervous — evidenced by the shaky smile and over-hopeful eyes that glance her way. She's distracted for a moment from the can of tuna, despite the curse cat's insistence, but remembers it's in her hand and pries off the top, setting the can in front of 'June-Bug'. "We'll see what we can do…"

Patting the cat on the head, Lewanda wamders further into the back room, past a fish tank (how many bets that's been an object of contest around here for the last little while?) to a more open space on the floor. It's covered by a large blanket — curtain? Whatever it is, it's purple and covered in sequins — which Lewanda then pulls away to reveal a chalk circle. "Um. I think you stand… over there…" She turns about a few times, perplexed. "Oh, I need my book…"

Hm. Emeline looks at Lewanda, the chalk circle, then at Junayd and then back at Lewanda again. It's not that she doesn't like the woman, but all of the sudden she's not exactly instilling confidence in the her abilities to work of a complicated curse. Plus, she doesn't want June to turn into something even worse than a cat. Like a dog or something. Dubiously, she moves to where she was pointed and then follows Lewanda's movements with her eyes. "Do you, uh, need help with that?" Luckily, she manages to not say, 'are you sure you can do this?'

Toonaztoonaztoonaztoona— feeshyfeeshyfeesh— toonaz. 'June-Bug' settles down blissfully to snarfing down the tuna and becomes completely oblivious to whatever-it-is they're doing over yonder. There is nothing more important than toonaz, mmkay.

Lewanda is asking herself the very same question Emeline is thinking, so she wouldn't have been insulted. Doe-like eyes turn on the woman and she smiles. "Yes, please. Oh, thank you. Now" she peers around the circle. "I nearly forgot! The most important thing." She, scurries out of the circle to open a cabinet and returns with a tiny jewellery box. It's pried opent to reveal a clipping of feline fur. She sets it on a small wooden alter of sorts, beside a pot of … something pine fresh. "Okay. I marked the page with a bookmark — a feather. The red one, not the pink one. Do you know latin?"

"I do." Emeline knows a lot of languages. Latin is one of the basics. However, that's a long story they don't really have to get into at the moment. Taking the book from Lewanda, she flips it open to the red feather marked page. Or at least she thinks it's the red-feather marked page. Red and pink are kind of similar. Balancing the book in her hands, she scans the page to make sure she knows all the words and can pronounce them properly before looking back up at the store owner again. "Okay, I think this is the right page. And, well, I'm not really ready, but then I don't think I would ever be, so let's do this."


'June-Bug' knows a bit of Latin too, but he's a bit busy. And his mouth is full. And he's a cat.


Lewanda shuffles close enough to Emeline to be able to peer into the book (albeit upside-down) and still be on the other side of the altar. "Okay." She takes a deep breath in, closes her eyes, breathes out, and starts to read the Latin words.

It sounds a little bit like 'nomnomnomnom'.

A few lines into the babbling Latin, Lewanda hurriedly ducks down to snatch the bit of fur, dropping it in the pot of mystical goulash. It goes *poof!* and the contents are suddenly on fire. It's okay, though, because the fire is an interesting shade of lavender, which obviously means it's supposed to be doing that. Right?

Should…should she be holding the book the other way so that Lewanda can read it too? Emeline is a little late in the reading of the Latin, because she's trying to find the spot that she started and from there work it out. Compromising, she manages to hold the book out to the side so they both can kind of read it. As opposed to just one of them being able to read it entirely. The fire and lavender doesn't really bother her. She grew up in a household where that sort of thing was normal. However, she does raise an eyebrow and looks at it. Is it supposed to turn that color? She doesn't know as much about this spell as she'd like to. Even with her doubts, she continues to read though, pouring what little she can into it.

nomnomnomno— wait what is going on? 'June-Bug' is starting to feel a little funny. Uhoh. This isn't like the toonaz he found once that someone had slipped laxatives into, is it? Because that would make Nice Bone Lady not-so-nice anymore. He needs to lie down. Like. Now. A little wobbily, the cat hops down from the table and weaves over to a spot on the floor, where he finally flops over and starts to … pant. He's in some minor distress. Is it hot in here? It feels hot in here.

The Latin continues, flowing as much as Lewanda can make it. Since it's the most common language used in work such as this, it flows a little easier than, say, ancient Mesopotamian might. Is that even a language? Anyway, it's questionable whether or not she knows exactly what she's saying., but she does know the gist, and she does manage to get it all out. She's very focused on doing just that — the man-cat's distress goes unnoticed. She doesn't dare look up.

The flames shoot higher and start to smoke, high, swirling tendrils that sneak towards a certain feline. Lewanda squeaks and jumps back, but huddles in again to keep reading.

On Emeline's side of the circle, she keeps reciting the Latin on the page. It's a common language and one she works with often. So she doesn't really have to pay a whole lot of attention to what she's saying in order to do it. However, trying to use magic does visibly exhaust her and the book she's holding out for them to read starts to wobble a little. The flames that shoot up surprises her, but she only pauses, snaps the book back to keep it from catching on fire and then makes sure to keep a close eye on June. She doesn't want him to get accidentally magically fried.

As the smoke starts to engulf him, the cat scrambles back onto his belly and hunches up, neck outstretched with chin low over the ground. He beings to let out loud hacking, wheezing coughs that jerk his entire body — which appears to be expanding and shedding fur at an alarming rate. The collar around his neck looks like it might strangle him, but the buckle finally gives and pops. As the collar skitters onto the floor, the now very large and very horrifying mass of flesh quivers and emits a low inhuman wail.

Then — POOM — the cloud of smoke seems to implode and out of it is ejected a tall tattooed and very naked Israeli who staggers backwards and slams his back against the wall. He stands there panting, wild-eyed and staring around the room for several frantic seconds. Then he glances down at himself — and his hands, which go up to feel his bearded face and shoulder-length hair. The panicked look melts into one of complete rapture — but … the wild look doesn't seem to fade, does it? Grinning like a complete maniac, he bursts into an equally crazed laugh and suddenly leaps forward toward the two women. His first target is Lewanda, and unless she does something to prevent it, she's going to get grabbed, dipped, and kissed right smack dab on the lips.

It's done! It's … oh hey a bunch of smoke. Lewanda is staring dazedly at the shape that soon becomes Junayd, her eyes wide and her mouth gaping slightly. She's too dumbfounded to move when the man-turned-cat-turned-man barrels toward her… and… just keeps barrelling. SMOOOCH. Lewanda's expression changes exactly zero: it's dazed all the way through. All she manages to say is: "Tunafish."

Holy—- All of the sudden Junayd is there and it's no longer a cat. Thank God. Because that book is getting really heavy and what little she could give to this whole ceremony has taken a severe chunk of out the woman's energy. With a loud thud the book hits the floor and the brunette stumbles backwards and tries to catch herself before she just collapses to the ground where she's standing. But, despite all this, she's smiling because he's back to normal. They found a way to fix him. Him attempting to dipkiss Lewanda only serves to confirm this.

Yes, tuna fish. But Junayd doesn't care, because he's human again! He lets out a breathless laugh and rights Lewanda again, then embraces her tightly, murmuring thanks in four separate languages and several blessings upon her head in Arabic and Hebrew. Then he kisses each of her cheeks, gives her a friendly dual-slap on each shoulder, beams!, then turns and — ohdearEmmyisonthefloor. He dashes over to her, trips, falls onto his knees, and crawlscrambles the rest of the way to scoop her up in his arms and give her exactly the same treatment. And he doesn't seem to notice or care that he's completely in the buff. The guy's been a cat for a long time; clothes aren't exactly the first thing he thinks about these days.

Lewanda is feeling a little unsteady herself — and despite all appearances, it's due to the spell, not to Junayd's affections. She wobbles back, murmuring a dazed, dulcet, "You're welcome." It takes her a second, but then she springs into action, clumsily stumbling through the room to grab the purple sequined fabric she removed from the circle earlier. Scurrying over to the newly made man and Emeline, she drapes the sparkly thing over the former for modesty. "Welcome back! Are you all right…? You're naked."

The poor woman doesn't really have much energy to stand on her own two feet, but Emeline gives a tired laugh at being scooped up and kissed. She would probably smack him if she thought it would have any power behind it. "How did I know you would come back naked?" she laughs again, but is genuinely happy to have him back. "Get some clothes on, you exhibitionist."

Naked? Junayd glances down at himself and — oops, look at that! Naked. He grabs the blanket and pulls it tightly around himself. But he doesn't care, anyway. Because he's back!

… oh god what have they done?

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